Bilbo's Rap
by Andrew Miller

My name'z Bilbo Bagginz and I'm for hire
I'm the best damn burgla' in the whole f***'n Shire
I got brains, I got moves, got a magic ring
Got a big damn dagger by the name of Sting
I jacked a cup from that lizard sucka Smaug
Found out 'bout his belly and got him shot like a dog
I ripped the Arkenstone right from under Thorin's nose
I made a righteous rep, as even Gandalf knows
But my best damn score was in the Mountains of Mist
Played the Riddle Game with Gollum, and he got dissed
"What do I got in my pockets?" and the cat was beat
Grabbed the Ring, put it on, made a quick retreat
Now I live at home in a life of ease
The kids I thrill and the ladies I please
But there's more to the story, as you'll soon see
'Cuz this Ring's makin' holes in our security
The Elves and the Eye got a score to settle
Over this precious little piece o' metal
So sit back, cuz, an' you'll see what I mean
It's "Tha Lord o' the Rings" by my man Tolkien
Word!

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