Snowboarding is not a crime...unless you get caught. By their very nature snowboarders are foul breed. They are young, repugnant and obnoxious. Their unlawful actions are delirious to kids and their ungrateful attitudes cannot be tolerated in today's society. Their rancid exploits defy decency and their very existence is a disgrace to humanity. These so-called snowboarders are the most ignorant people in existence. They all drop out of school and receive failing grades. The only type of literature those lowly forms of life ever read are subversive snowboard magazines that promote Satanism. When and if these snowboarders graduate from school they usually wind up in dead-end employment. Only a few lucky ones who don't fall as much become professional snowboarders. Imagine that, professional devil worshoppers flying through the air on runaway missiles of wood, plastic and steel. The typical snowboarder is a junior or a senior in high school, or freshman in college. They hold radical beliefs that are far to the left or right and do not take well to constructive criticisms. Maladjusted to their environment and preffering social isolation from the normal people (they only communicate amongst themselves), their felonious handles protect them from person-to-person relationships as they frequent the Usenet Internet newsgroups. There they become the worst mail-bombers and hackers, regardless as to whether their dislike for your posting was founded or not. They are the people who take pleasure in the "dark side" of the Internet (including computer hacking, theft of service from telephone utilities, and credit card fraud). They feel their power is derived from their ability to adversely affect your daily life. With their inflated egos and stupid nicknames (Juji, BigAir, Zero, X-fysh) they attempt to cause mischief to the ordinary hard working people. Snowboarders only temporarily terminate their anti-social activities when the weather conditions prevent their equipment from operating properly. Where normal children prefer to stay at home and watch TV all day, snowboarders would rather go outside and frolic in the fresh air. They are not normal! Another strange thing about these punk snowboarders is that they refuse to partake in socially acceptable activities such as wandering around malls or watching the ball games in their underpants drinking beer. They would rather be on their Satanic sticks terrorizing the mountain. Snowboards themselves are the most dangerous mode of transportation today. Statistics involving inattentive skiers crashing into snowboarders prove that these decks are the tools of death. Perhaps snowboarders should purchase bicycles. Their dictionary is limited only to a few words such as "PHAT", "COOL", "ROCKS", "SUCKS", "CHICKS".... Every sentence of course must start with "DUDE". The clothing worn by snowboarders is the most offending garb known. They wear the longest shirts ever, with subliminally evil pictures silk screened onto them. They steal pants from their fathers or procure them at thrift stores. In conclusion all we can say is that everyone should band together to generate legislation to keep these ruffians away from the mountains. Help us make a better and safe world. ABOLISH SNOWBOARDING!