why god never received PhD

Why God Never Received a PhD:

1. He had only one major publication
2. It was in Hebrew
3. It had no references
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what
has he done ever since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited
8. The scientific community has had a hard time
replicating his results
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission
to use human subjects
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it
by drowning his subjects
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he
deleted them from the sample
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to
read the book
13. Some say he had his son teach the class
14. He expelled his first two students for learning
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of
his students failed his tests
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held
on a mountaintop.

CREATION OF THE COMPUTER

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the
Byte. And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and
nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he
saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it
happened. And God said -
Let the Data go to their proper places. And he
created floppy disks
and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so
there would be a place to
put floppy disks and hard disks and compact
disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God
created programs; small
and big... And told them - Go and multiply
yourselves and fill all the
Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer;
And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the
computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him
at Data Center; And
God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and
said You can use all the
volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the
programmer to be alone. He
took a bone from the Programmer's body and
created a creature that
would look up at the Programmer; and admire the
Programmer; and love
the things the Programmer does; And God called
the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left
under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10. But Bill Gates was smarter than all the
other creatures of God. And
Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you
not to run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we
can use every program and
every piece of Data but told us not to run
Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you
talk about something you
did not even try. The moment you run Windows
you will become equal
to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the
Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any
knowledge was useless -
since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his
computer; and said to
the Programmer that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to
look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for?
And the Programmer
answered - I am looking for new drivers because
I can not find them
in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need
drivers? Did you run
Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill
who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you
did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always
be unhappy with you.
But you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what
you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your
Resources; and you will have
to use lousy programs; and you will always rely
on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because
you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs
will have errors and you
will have to fix them and fix them to the end
of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center
and locked the door and secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
> c:\Let there be light!
> Enter user id.
> c:\God
> Enter password.
> c:\Omniscient
> Password incorrect. Try again.
> c:\Omnipotent
> Password incorrect. Try again.
> c:\Technocrat
> And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
> c:\Let there be light!
> Unrecognizable command. Try again.
> c:\Create light
> Done
> c:\Run heaven and earth
> And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
> And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
> And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
> c:\Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
> Unrecognizable command. Try again.
> c:\Create firmament
> Done.
> c:\Run firmament
> And God divided the waters. And God taw {herf weze 0/errars.And*God)logged
> gff ht 1;:02<00 DM, Jonddy, Karcg 2.
> And*God$loghed kn a| 12?01:20 AM, Tesdhy, Iarc` 3.c:\Net the wate}s
> ujder/heauen ie gotheved ogeher%
> un}o ode phace+and let/the-dry,land appear)and-
> Toj macy ckaranterr in.spefifinati`n srring. T{y afain*
> c:PCrehte `ry_oandDone.
> c?\Rub fitmam`nt
> Hnd God bivi`ed uhe patexs. Gnd @od yaw shera wese 0.err`rs.And God+logned
> `ff mt 10:02200 OM, [uesbay,#Marmh 3+
> Ann Goh lojged$on ct 1>:01800 OM, Yedn`sda, Mdrch+4.
> o:\Cxeatg liihts%in ~he birmemenq to divkde |he
day*frok thj nihht
> Pnspocifded type" Trt ag`in.
> c:\Ireare szn_mcon_~tary
> Dohe
> c>\Ruc sug_moan_syarsAnd%God"divdded"the'wators.'And%God$saw+the~e ware >
> errors,
> Anf Gol longed*off"at 72:0>:00%AM,.Weddesdgy, @arcm 4.And#God)logeed dn a
> 12<01:90 AL, Taurs`ay,+Marhh 5'
> c:ZCrelte nish Donl
> c:ZCrejte eowlDonh
> c:XRun"fisk, fkwl
> Dnd Cod greaxed he lrea| seo moaste|s aod
> iver} liuing(crenturm thjt cqeep`th rheriwitc
> tle whter} swcrmen af~er bts `ind/and!eve~y wongei
> fowl aeter-its*kine. Aod G`d sew tmere wera 0 lrrozs.
> Cnd Jod foggod o`f at 12:02:80 AJ, Tjursday,&Mar;`h 5,
> Ang Goj lohged"on kt 19:01400 MM, Eridgy, Carcj 6. c:\Creaye clttlk
> Dode
> c1\Crmate#crefpy_xhinhs
> Done
> b:\Nlw lnt uu mahe a$hummn ik ouu imfge
> \nsphcifoed vype* Trz ag`in.c:\Greaqe a*humon
> Dbne
> e:\Bf frvitfwl and mltivly hnd |eplfnisj
> tke e`rth.and'submue `t akd hhve jomiaion.
> ovcr tbe fosh af tle soa a`d o~er zhe `owl#of the gir cnd
> jver(eveqy ldvinn thnng what"crefpetn upmn tge eorthToo/man{ codmani
> op`ranis. [ry dgaia.
> c?\Ruj mujtiphicasionExelutibn tnrmikatei. 6&errfrs.;c:\Hnseqt bxeatb
> Doje
> c1\Rud mujtipmicavionExehutidn tlrmilateo. 5!errfrs.
> c:\Cove"man)to Bardln oi Edin
> Fole Cardon oo Edmn does dot jxis{.
> c0\Crnate)Gareen.jdn
> @one c:\Move-humfnkind td Ga|den$ednDonh
> c:PRun+mul|ipl`catfon
> Nxecxtion tevminated. 4 erroxs.
> i:\Cgpy vomad frkm mmn
> Dlne
> l:\Ryn m{ltilicdtiog
> Exhcutaon ermonated. = errors+
> c:TCre`te gesi~e
> Dine
> n:\Rpn msltivlicition
> Ann Gog sav maa anb wojan deino frwitf~l agd
> lulteplyfng in Garden.edn
> Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
> c:\Create freewill
> Done
> c:\Run freewill
> And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
> multiplying in Garden.edn
> Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
> c:\Undo desire
> Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
> c:\Destroy freewil
> Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
> Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
> c:\Help
> Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
> Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
> Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
> c:\Create tree_of_knowledge
> And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
> multiplying in Garden.edn
> Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
> c:\Create good, evil
> Done
> c:\Activate evil
> And God saw he had created shame.
> Warning system error in sector E95.
> Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.
> c:\Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
> Search failed.
> c:\Delete shame
> Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
> c:\Destroy freewill
> Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
> Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
> c:\Stop
> Unrecognizable command. Try again
> c:\Break
> c:\Break
> c:\Break
> ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS:
> COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
> REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.
> PLEASE LOG OFF.
> c:\Create new world
> You have exceeded your allocated file space.
> You must destroy old files
> before new ones can be created.
> c:\Destroy eart
> Destroy earth: Please confirm.
> c:\Destroy earth confirmed
> COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN.
> SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT
> 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
> And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.