Абсурд
16 отговора
929 прегледа
Re: Абсурд
Американците кацат на луната и виждат някъкви хора да играят футбол.
Слизат те от кораба и се приближават до един от играчите. С явно изумление от факта че някоя държава ги е изпреварила в космоса янките питат:
-Абе от къде сте бе хора и защо не сте обявили че сте кацнали на луната.
Футболиста отвръща:
-Ние сме арменци и ти кога си чувал арменец да се хвали
Слизат те от кораба и се приближават до един от играчите. С явно изумление от факта че някоя държава ги е изпреварила в космоса янките питат:
-Абе от къде сте бе хора и защо не сте обявили че сте кацнали на луната.
Футболиста отвръща:
-Ние сме арменци и ти кога си чувал арменец да се хвали
Re: Абсурд
В един родилен дом объркали бебетата на негър, американец, германец и евреин. Извикиали бащите им да си ги познаят.
Негърът казал:
- Моето очевидно е онова черното.
Американецът извадил един долар и го размахал. Едно от бебетата протегнало ръчички и той рекъл:
- Ей това е моето.
Немецът влезнал и ревнал:
- Hail Hitler!
Едно от бебетата се насрало веднага и той казал:
- Това е еврейчето, другото е моето.
Ne e li OCHEVADNO,che si nyamam kirilica na klaviaturata?
Bulgarka
Негърът казал:
- Моето очевидно е онова черното.
Американецът извадил един долар и го размахал. Едно от бебетата протегнало ръчички и той рекъл:
- Ей това е моето.
Немецът влезнал и ревнал:
- Hail Hitler!
Едно от бебетата се насрало веднага и той казал:
- Това е еврейчето, другото е моето.
Ne e li OCHEVADNO,che si nyamam kirilica na klaviaturata?
Bulgarka
Re: Абсурд
An Armenian businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The Armenian businessman then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said:
'We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?'
The business man replied:
'Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2weeks for 15 bucks?'
Jokes of Armenian Radio:
Q: Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in Armenia. Do you have a sea?
A: To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture.
Q: Why did Armenian Radio stop broadcasting yesterday from 12:00 to 02:00?
A: That was a programm for deaf-and-dumb audience.
Q: Why don't they let the Armenians stay more than 10 days in hotels?
A: On the 11-th day they begin to build a balcony.
Q: Is it ture that the Russians are the best inventors.
A: Yes, that's ture. They even managed to invent their inventors?
Q: Did Eva cheet on Adam?
A: No doubt she did. Don't you know that human race started from a monkey.
Q: Can a woman make a man a millioner?
A: Sure, if he is a billioner.
Q: What can you do if a tiger attacks your mother-in-law?
A: That's tiger's problem.
Q: What "Six day war" meens?
A: Jewish millitary art week in Egypt.
Q: What is expessionizm?
A: Express train full of sionists.
Q: Were the people equal during USSR.
A: Yes, but some people were more equal than the others.
Q: What was permanent in the USSR?
A: Temporary difficulties.
Q: How do you know the pilot of a plane is Armenian?
A: His arm sticks out of the window.
Q: Kak vi zavyote yevrey kotoryi emigrirovalas v Israel, potom Obratno v Soyuz?
A: Dvajdi yevrey Sovetskogo Soyuza ;-)
Two dragons caught an Armenian, a Georgian and an Azeri. One of the dragons (Dragon 1) ordered them to bring food for him, and added they if they'll not bring enough he'll eat them. The other dragon (Dragon 2) continued his way to deal with some other business and they met again after a week.
Dragon 2: Hey, what happened to those three we caught last time?
Dragon 1: Georgian's food was not enough so I ate him, Azeri's food was not enough either so I ate him too.
Dragon 2: What happened to the Armenian?
Dragon 1: Well, I don't really know, he never came back.
There is a very very sad elephant in the Yerevan zoo, which is crying all day long and is becoming week from that. The specialists have lost their hope, so they decide to ask Poloz Mougouch (Gumri joke hero)to help them. Poloz Mougouch comes, examines the elephant, than whispers smth. on his ear and the elephant starts bursting with laughter.
The elephant goes on laughing all the time and the specialists concerned with this ask Poloz Mougouch to deal with it again and make the elephant calm down. Mougouch arrives again, enters the elephants room and after some seconds the elephant runs out bursting into tears.
The speacialists decide to interview Poloz Mougouch to find out his method of dealing with the elephant:
Specialists: Dr. Mougouch, firstly, how did you make the elephant to laugh the first time?
Mougouch: I told him that mine is bigger than his.
Specialists: And how did you make him cry today?
Mougouch: I let him see it!
an Armenian, georgian and russian are fyling from armenia through Goergia to Russia
While they are over Armenia, armenian guy stands up and in the form of dedication and love to Armenian girls says:
"Our girls like gold, and thows, one kg of gold from the plane.
While flying over Georgia: Georgian stands up and says:
"But our girls, love silver, and throws silver"
And last they are ocer Russia, however the russian is sitting and doing nothing.
After couple of hours: Armenian and Georgian ask the Russian: Ivan, whats the matter with you? Why don't you throw anythem in the form of dedication? What do your girls like the most?
Russian: Maaan, i am sitting here and thinking, whom of you to throw first. ))
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have them at work in six weeks."
A German doctor said, "That's nothing! In Germany we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have them at work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we could take a half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
An American doctor, not to be outdone, said, "Hah! We are about to take an a**hole out of Texas, put him in the White House, and half the country will be looking for work within the year."
Announcement by the Israeli radio:
“We are pleased to announce that after 40 years of hard excavation work Israeli archeologists discovered a piece of copper cord underneath the ancient city of Jerusalem. This important artifact is evidence that intelligent Hebrews were using telephone communications long before Bell’s discovery.
A week later, an announcement by Radio Yerevan:
“After 40 years of hard and enduring excavation work Armenian archeologist found… NOTHING underneath ancient Erebuni. This lead us to the conclusion that ancient Armenians were well aware of the wireless….”
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said:
'We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?'
The business man replied:
'Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2weeks for 15 bucks?'
Jokes of Armenian Radio:
Q: Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in Armenia. Do you have a sea?
A: To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture.
Q: Why did Armenian Radio stop broadcasting yesterday from 12:00 to 02:00?
A: That was a programm for deaf-and-dumb audience.
Q: Why don't they let the Armenians stay more than 10 days in hotels?
A: On the 11-th day they begin to build a balcony.
Q: Is it ture that the Russians are the best inventors.
A: Yes, that's ture. They even managed to invent their inventors?
Q: Did Eva cheet on Adam?
A: No doubt she did. Don't you know that human race started from a monkey.
Q: Can a woman make a man a millioner?
A: Sure, if he is a billioner.
Q: What can you do if a tiger attacks your mother-in-law?
A: That's tiger's problem.
Q: What "Six day war" meens?
A: Jewish millitary art week in Egypt.
Q: What is expessionizm?
A: Express train full of sionists.
Q: Were the people equal during USSR.
A: Yes, but some people were more equal than the others.
Q: What was permanent in the USSR?
A: Temporary difficulties.
Q: How do you know the pilot of a plane is Armenian?
A: His arm sticks out of the window.
Q: Kak vi zavyote yevrey kotoryi emigrirovalas v Israel, potom Obratno v Soyuz?
A: Dvajdi yevrey Sovetskogo Soyuza ;-)
Two dragons caught an Armenian, a Georgian and an Azeri. One of the dragons (Dragon 1) ordered them to bring food for him, and added they if they'll not bring enough he'll eat them. The other dragon (Dragon 2) continued his way to deal with some other business and they met again after a week.
Dragon 2: Hey, what happened to those three we caught last time?
Dragon 1: Georgian's food was not enough so I ate him, Azeri's food was not enough either so I ate him too.
Dragon 2: What happened to the Armenian?
Dragon 1: Well, I don't really know, he never came back.
There is a very very sad elephant in the Yerevan zoo, which is crying all day long and is becoming week from that. The specialists have lost their hope, so they decide to ask Poloz Mougouch (Gumri joke hero)to help them. Poloz Mougouch comes, examines the elephant, than whispers smth. on his ear and the elephant starts bursting with laughter.
The elephant goes on laughing all the time and the specialists concerned with this ask Poloz Mougouch to deal with it again and make the elephant calm down. Mougouch arrives again, enters the elephants room and after some seconds the elephant runs out bursting into tears.
The speacialists decide to interview Poloz Mougouch to find out his method of dealing with the elephant:
Specialists: Dr. Mougouch, firstly, how did you make the elephant to laugh the first time?
Mougouch: I told him that mine is bigger than his.
Specialists: And how did you make him cry today?
Mougouch: I let him see it!
an Armenian, georgian and russian are fyling from armenia through Goergia to Russia
While they are over Armenia, armenian guy stands up and in the form of dedication and love to Armenian girls says:
"Our girls like gold, and thows, one kg of gold from the plane.
While flying over Georgia: Georgian stands up and says:
"But our girls, love silver, and throws silver"
And last they are ocer Russia, however the russian is sitting and doing nothing.
After couple of hours: Armenian and Georgian ask the Russian: Ivan, whats the matter with you? Why don't you throw anythem in the form of dedication? What do your girls like the most?
Russian: Maaan, i am sitting here and thinking, whom of you to throw first. ))
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have them at work in six weeks."
A German doctor said, "That's nothing! In Germany we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have them at work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we could take a half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
An American doctor, not to be outdone, said, "Hah! We are about to take an a**hole out of Texas, put him in the White House, and half the country will be looking for work within the year."
Announcement by the Israeli radio:
“We are pleased to announce that after 40 years of hard excavation work Israeli archeologists discovered a piece of copper cord underneath the ancient city of Jerusalem. This important artifact is evidence that intelligent Hebrews were using telephone communications long before Bell’s discovery.
A week later, an announcement by Radio Yerevan:
“After 40 years of hard and enduring excavation work Armenian archeologist found… NOTHING underneath ancient Erebuni. This lead us to the conclusion that ancient Armenians were well aware of the wireless….”
в отговор на cherrycoke
#12
Re: Абсурд
Питаха шефа на "Easy jet".
- Ако видите пиян англичанин паднал на земята какво ще направите?
- Ще започна да го ритам, защото друг такъв случай едва ли ще ми се отдаде.
- Ако видите пиян англичанин паднал на земята какво ще направите?
- Ще започна да го ритам, защото друг такъв случай едва ли ще ми се отдаде.
Re: Абсурд
Edno еврейско семейство гостувало на друго еврейско семейство.Яли, пили, веселили се и тъкмо се прибрали в къщи, и им звъни другото семейство:
-Хей Мойша, вие току що ни бяхте на гости, нали така?
-Да Арон, така е.Какво се е случило все пак?
-Ами вие като си тръгнахте и изчезнаха 20$, и ние ги търсихме, обаче не можем да ги намерим.Да сте ги взели вие случайно ?
-Е не Мойша, не сме ги взимали, но щом е така работата ще ви дадем 20$, та да не разваляме приятелството.
-А не, те парите се намериха, обаче остана едно такова впечатление.....
-Хей Мойша, вие току що ни бяхте на гости, нали така?
-Да Арон, така е.Какво се е случило все пак?
-Ами вие като си тръгнахте и изчезнаха 20$, и ние ги търсихме, обаче не можем да ги намерим.Да сте ги взели вие случайно ?
-Е не Мойша, не сме ги взимали, но щом е така работата ще ви дадем 20$, та да не разваляме приятелството.
-А не, те парите се намериха, обаче остана едно такова впечатление.....