През погледа на програмист

struct female_professionals{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
};

struct beautiful_city_girl{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
};

struct engaged_females{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};

struct newly_married_females{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};

struct married_females{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
};

struct old_lady{
double chin;
short memory;
long sighs;
void attention_from_men;
char chatterbox;
};

struct husband_wife_professionals{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
};


Running in circles
Confusion is calling my name
Hiding inside of this poisoning madness again

Хех... я и аз да пробвам...

struct male_professionals{
double standards;
short willy;
long time_to_get_it_up;
float superficial;
void dreams;
char non_entertaining;
};

Присъстващите се изключват!

Impeccable judgement, immaculate timing and impressive clarity.

е, че защо да се изключват!! и команда #exclude li ima? az znaeh samo za #include... пък и като гледам, всичко си е точно, само не знам за една от думите дали ще се приеме от компилатора - "professional"...добре че е в името

или ще има рънтайм гряшки ;)
ще има syntax error... [тъткане]!
и освен това...
Too much type definitions!
Incompatible type definitions in one file!
Not enough house space!
Women overflow!
Unpredictable program behaviour!
.....

Women overflow ша е фаталната ша знайте :)))

in dreams i see myself flying...

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of new space, valuable resources and monetary funds. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all
other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night
2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about
going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this
program.

Can you please help me!!!???
Thanks,
A Troubled User


Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its
creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
1.0 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end
up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual
under "Warnings- Alimony! /Child support!". I recommend you keep Wife
1.0 and deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:\YESDEAR
to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife1.0
myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults
and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of
action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid
excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give thе APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. Thesystem
will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying
additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I
recommend Flowers 3.1 and nothing less than Diamonds 2K. Do not, under
any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is
not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck Tech Support

Проблемът да си Бог е в това, че няма на кого да се молиш!

Ха ха - толкова не се бях смяла ...

Големи генийчета се извъдихте бе ...

Значи кофти засечки, когато ъпгрейтнеш старата версия приятелка, а?

*...the future - its coming now...*

може да бъде видяно ето тук:
[линк]

Husband: (Returning late from work) " Good
> evening dear..... I'm logged in."
> Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
> Husband: Bad command or filename.
> Wife: But I told you in the morning!
> Husband: Syntax Error. Abort?
> Wife: What about my new TV?
> Husband: Variable not found....
> Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
> Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied.
> Wife: Do you love me or do you love computers or are you just being funny?
> Husband: Too many parameters....
> Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
> Husband: Data type mismatch.
> Wife: You are useless.
> Husband: It's by default.
> Wife: What about your Salary?
> Husband: File in use .... Try later.
> Wife: What is my value in the family?
> Husband :Unknown Virus.

Проблемът да си Бог е в това, че няма на кого да се молиш!

Бива, батка, ама много старички бре :)

And there was a great silence.

Олеле...Как ли би го казал автотенекеджията?

Нищо човешко не ми е чуждо :)

е, да не се стига до хардуер, тука все още е софт, щото иначе става така:

Abort, Retry, Ignore?
by: Anonymous Works

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday

Project: Version - Windows 95

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law

*/ #define say(x)
lie(x) #define computeruser
ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year
soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship

another_beta_version void
main()
{ if(latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /*
Standard Call, in lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account +=

150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version); introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if
(customers_report_installation_problems) { say("that is a hardware problem, not a
software problem");
if
(smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{ ignore(customer); order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on
this
jerk");
} } if( bills_bank_account>skyhigh &&marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bum);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another
_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/

Проблемът да си Бог е в това, че няма на кого да се молиш!