ощи блондс
50 отговора
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ощи блондс
Seven Degrees of Blonde
>
> ONE
>
> A married couple were asleep when the phone
> rang
> > > > at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up
> the
> phone,
> > > > listened a moment and said, "How should I
> know, that's
> > > > 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The
> husband
> said,
> > > > "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't
> know;
> some
> > > > woman wanting to know 'if the coast is
> clear."
>
> > > >
> > > > TWO
> > > >
> > > > Two blondes are walking down the street.
> One
> notices
> > > > a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
> to
> pick it
> > > > up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
> says, "Hmm,
> > > > this person looks familiar." the second
> blonde
> says,
> > > > "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde
> hands
> her the
> > > > compact. The second one looks in the
> mirror
> and says,
> > > > "You dummy, it's me!"
> > > >
> > > > THREE
> > > >
> > > > A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
> cheating on
> her,
> > > > so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes
> to
> his
> > > > apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
> the
> door she
> > > > finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well,
> the
> blonde
> > > > is really angry. She opens her purse to
> take
> out the
> > > > gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
> with
> grief.
> > > > She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
> The
>
> > > > boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
> The
> blonde
> > > > replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
> > > >
> > > > FOUR
> > > >
> > > > A blonde was bragging about her knowledge
> of
> state
> > > > capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
> me,
> I know
> > > > all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
> the
> capital
> > > > of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh,
> that's
> easy
> > > > W."
> > > >
> > > > FIVE
> > > >
> > > > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he
> told her
> > > > she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
> > > >
> > > > SIX
> > > >
> > > > A blonde had just totaled her car in a
> horrific
> > > > accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry
> herself
> > > > from the wreckage without a scratch and
> was
> applying
> > > > fresh lipstick when the state trooper
> arrived.
> "My
> > > > God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
> like
> an
> > > > accordion that was stomped on by an
> elephant.
> Are you
> > > > OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine"
> the
> blonde
> > > > chirped. "Well, how in the world did this
> happen?" the
> > > > officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked
> car.
>
> > > > "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the
> blonde
> > > > began. "I was driving along this road when
> from out of
> > > > nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
> So I
> swerved
> > > > to the right, and there was another tree!
> I
> swerved to
> > > > the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I
> swerved
> to the
> > > > right and there was another tree! I
> swerved to
> the
> > > > left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am," the
> officer
> > > > said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree
> on
> this
> > > > road for 30 miles. That was your air
> freshener
>
> > > > swinging back and forth."
> > > >
> > > > SEVEN
> > > >
> > > > Returning home from work, a blonde was
> shocked
> to
> > > > find her house ransacked and burglarized.
> She
> > > > telephoned the police at once and reported
> the
> crime.
> > > > The police dispatcher broadcast the call
> on
> the
> > > > channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby
> was
> the
> > > > first to respond. As the K-9 officer
> approached the
> > > > house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
> ran
> out on
> > > > the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
> cop
> and his
> > > > dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting
> her
> face in
> > > > her hands, she moaned, "I come home to
> find
> all my
> > > > possessions stolen. I call the police for
> help, and
> > > > what do they do? They send me a BLIND
> policeman.
> > >
> >
> >
>
> > --
> > A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a
> really
> bad
> > hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she
> took it
> > to a > repair shop.
> > The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
> have
> some
> > fun. He
> > told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
> hard,
> and
> > all
> > the dents would pop out.
> >
> > So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and
> started
> > blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little
> harder,
> > and
> > still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came
> home
> and
> > said,
> > "What are you doing?"
> >
> > The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
> to
> blow
> > into
> > the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her
> roommate
> > rolled
> > her eyes and said, "... HELLO ...You need to roll up the
> windows
> first!"
> >
може би
>
> ONE
>
> A married couple were asleep when the phone
> rang
> > > > at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up
> the
> phone,
> > > > listened a moment and said, "How should I
> know, that's
> > > > 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The
> husband
> said,
> > > > "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't
> know;
> some
> > > > woman wanting to know 'if the coast is
> clear."
>
> > > >
> > > > TWO
> > > >
> > > > Two blondes are walking down the street.
> One
> notices
> > > > a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
> to
> pick it
> > > > up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
> says, "Hmm,
> > > > this person looks familiar." the second
> blonde
> says,
> > > > "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde
> hands
> her the
> > > > compact. The second one looks in the
> mirror
> and says,
> > > > "You dummy, it's me!"
> > > >
> > > > THREE
> > > >
> > > > A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
> cheating on
> her,
> > > > so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes
> to
> his
> > > > apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
> the
> door she
> > > > finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well,
> the
> blonde
> > > > is really angry. She opens her purse to
> take
> out the
> > > > gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
> with
> grief.
> > > > She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
> The
>
> > > > boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
> The
> blonde
> > > > replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
> > > >
> > > > FOUR
> > > >
> > > > A blonde was bragging about her knowledge
> of
> state
> > > > capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
> me,
> I know
> > > > all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
> the
> capital
> > > > of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh,
> that's
> easy
> > > > W."
> > > >
> > > > FIVE
> > > >
> > > > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he
> told her
> > > > she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
> > > >
> > > > SIX
> > > >
> > > > A blonde had just totaled her car in a
> horrific
> > > > accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry
> herself
> > > > from the wreckage without a scratch and
> was
> applying
> > > > fresh lipstick when the state trooper
> arrived.
> "My
> > > > God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks
> like
> an
> > > > accordion that was stomped on by an
> elephant.
> Are you
> > > > OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine"
> the
> blonde
> > > > chirped. "Well, how in the world did this
> happen?" the
> > > > officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked
> car.
>
> > > > "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the
> blonde
> > > > began. "I was driving along this road when
> from out of
> > > > nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
> So I
> swerved
> > > > to the right, and there was another tree!
> I
> swerved to
> > > > the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I
> swerved
> to the
> > > > right and there was another tree! I
> swerved to
> the
> > > > left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am," the
> officer
> > > > said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree
> on
> this
> > > > road for 30 miles. That was your air
> freshener
>
> > > > swinging back and forth."
> > > >
> > > > SEVEN
> > > >
> > > > Returning home from work, a blonde was
> shocked
> to
> > > > find her house ransacked and burglarized.
> She
> > > > telephoned the police at once and reported
> the
> crime.
> > > > The police dispatcher broadcast the call
> on
> the
> > > > channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby
> was
> the
> > > > first to respond. As the K-9 officer
> approached the
> > > > house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
> ran
> out on
> > > > the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
> cop
> and his
> > > > dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting
> her
> face in
> > > > her hands, she moaned, "I come home to
> find
> all my
> > > > possessions stolen. I call the police for
> help, and
> > > > what do they do? They send me a BLIND
> policeman.
> > >
> >
> >
>
> > --
> > A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a
> really
> bad
> > hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she
> took it
> > to a > repair shop.
> > The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
> have
> some
> > fun. He
> > told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
> hard,
> and
> > all
> > the dents would pop out.
> >
> > So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and
> started
> > blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little
> harder,
> > and
> > still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came
> home
> and
> > said,
> > "What are you doing?"
> >
> > The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
> to
> blow
> > into
> > the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her
> roommate
> > rolled
> > her eyes and said, "... HELLO ...You need to roll up the
> windows
> first!"
> >
може би
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
Q: What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
A: Re-load and carry on shooting.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because it only attacks the brain.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
Q: What was the first man on the moon?
A: A good start.
Q: A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
A: The woman says: "Ok, I'll miss you though"
Q: What takes longer to make, a snowman or a snowwoman?
A: A snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first.
Q: Why do most men have a beer belly?
A: So that his best friend has a roof over his head.
Q: What is the difference between a Yeti and an intelligent man?
A: It is believed that a Yeti has been sighted.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: When would you want a man's company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if you spread them very thinly.
Q: What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A: A mink in her wardrobe, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the
bedroom and an ass to pay for it.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: Why are hurricanes usually named after women?
A. Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they
go, they take your house and car with them.
може би
A: Re-load and carry on shooting.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because it only attacks the brain.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
Q: What was the first man on the moon?
A: A good start.
Q: A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
A: The woman says: "Ok, I'll miss you though"
Q: What takes longer to make, a snowman or a snowwoman?
A: A snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first.
Q: Why do most men have a beer belly?
A: So that his best friend has a roof over his head.
Q: What is the difference between a Yeti and an intelligent man?
A: It is believed that a Yeti has been sighted.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: When would you want a man's company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if you spread them very thinly.
Q: What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A: A mink in her wardrobe, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the
bedroom and an ass to pay for it.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: Why are hurricanes usually named after women?
A. Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they
go, they take your house and car with them.
може би
в отговор на lndependent
#4
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
а бе верно, че са малко сексистки 
ама и аз реших, че ги бива 
- ти нали ще се спреш на вратата, че ако се извъргаляш по стълбите ще ми тежиш на съвеста 
може би
ама и аз реших, че ги бива - ти нали ще се спреш на вратата, че ако се извъргаляш по стълбите ще ми тежиш на съвеста може би
в отговор на lndependent
#6
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
винаги съм харесвала високия праг на човешките възможности ...
може би
може би
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
an Irish joke to make you happy...
> Two Irish men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird
> section.
> Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem!"
> The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.
> "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage dere," says Gerry,
> "Putdem in a peeper bag."
> The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
> They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills
> and
> stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.
> "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry.
> "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.
> They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss.
> "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry.
> He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and
> jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops
> off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a
> 'SPLAT'.
> As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says,
> "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me"
>
> ======= PART TWO =======
>
> A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he,
> walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag.
> He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his
> other
> hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.
> "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of
> the cliff.
> Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the
> parrot's
> head off.
> Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's
> remains at the bottom.
> Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting
> nider"
>
> ======= PART THREE =======
>
> A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up.
> He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar
> 'peeper bag'.
> Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches
> himself
> off the cliff with the usual result.
> Once more Paddy shakes his head -
> "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry with his budgie jumping,
> den Seamus parrotshooting and now you
> ..........................................................................
> ..
> ..............
> fockin' hen gliding".
>
може би
> Two Irish men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird
> section.
> Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem!"
> The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.
> "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage dere," says Gerry,
> "Putdem in a peeper bag."
> The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
> They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills
> and
> stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.
> "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry.
> "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.
> They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss.
> "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry.
> He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and
> jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops
> off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a
> 'SPLAT'.
> As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says,
> "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me"
>
> ======= PART TWO =======
>
> A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he,
> walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag.
> He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his
> other
> hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.
> "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of
> the cliff.
> Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the
> parrot's
> head off.
> Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's
> remains at the bottom.
> Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting
> nider"
>
> ======= PART THREE =======
>
> A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up.
> He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar
> 'peeper bag'.
> Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches
> himself
> off the cliff with the usual result.
> Once more Paddy shakes his head -
> "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry with his budgie jumping,
> den Seamus parrotshooting and now you
> ..........................................................................
> ..
> ..............
> fockin' hen gliding".
>
може би
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
>Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue
>needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and
>Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.
>Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said
>"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled himo
> ver. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".
>The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought
>Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's
>burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean
>looked
>down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".
>The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had
>two arseholes." "What, he had two arseholes???" said the mortician.
>"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town,f
> olks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two
>arseholes"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
> An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is verys
> exually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after
>arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to
>find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he
>immediately goes to see a doctor.
>The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests
>and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
>The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've
>got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD.
>It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".T
> he man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
>something and fix me up, doc".
>The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have
>to amputate your penis".
>The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
>The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but
>surgery is your only choice".
>The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know
>more about the disease.
>The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.
>Vely lare disease".
>The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can
>we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"
>The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta,
>always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to
>opelate!"
>"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
>"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off
by iself! You save money"
може би
>needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and
>Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.
>Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said
>"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled himo
> ver. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".
>The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought
>Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's
>burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean
>looked
>down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".
>The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had
>two arseholes." "What, he had two arseholes???" said the mortician.
>"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town,f
> olks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two
>arseholes"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
> An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is verys
> exually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after
>arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to
>find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he
>immediately goes to see a doctor.
>The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests
>and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
>The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've
>got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD.
>It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".T
> he man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
>something and fix me up, doc".
>The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have
>to amputate your penis".
>The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
>The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but
>surgery is your only choice".
>The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know
>more about the disease.
>The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.
>Vely lare disease".
>The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can
>we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"
>The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta,
>always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to
>opelate!"
>"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
>"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off
by iself! You save money"
може би
porednoto
Politics as explained to farmers
FEUDALISM : You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, and drafts you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both, and shoots you.
TOTALITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you to take care of them, and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair ‘Cowgate’. The cows sue you for breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brain and they go mad. The government does not do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk the them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
може би
FEUDALISM : You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, and drafts you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both, and shoots you.
TOTALITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you to take care of them, and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair ‘Cowgate’. The cows sue you for breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brain and they go mad. The government does not do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk the them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
може би
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
I was having trouble with my computer, so I called the computer guy over
to my desk. He clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he
was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
"What's an ID Ten T Error, in case I need to fix it again?"
He grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
I wrote: I D 1 0 T
може би
to my desk. He clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he
was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
"What's an ID Ten T Error, in case I need to fix it again?"
He grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
I wrote: I D 1 0 T
може би
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
>Question: What is the height of globalisation?
>
>Answer: Princess Diana's death.
>
>Question: How come?
>
>Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
>French
> tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian
>who
> was pissed on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
>on
> Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian
> medicines! And this was sent to you by a Slovenian, using Bill Gates'
> technology, which he stole from the Taiwanese.
може би
>
>Answer: Princess Diana's death.
>
>Question: How come?
>
>Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
>French
> tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian
>who
> was pissed on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
>on
> Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian
> medicines! And this was sent to you by a Slovenian, using Bill Gates'
> technology, which he stole from the Taiwanese.
може би
Малко смешки и от мен, на английски, ъф корс
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
He who hesitates is probably right.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
стой та гледай
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
He who hesitates is probably right.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
стой та гледай
в отговор на lndependent
#14
тенкс
хехе - веднага ще го разпратя - ама-ха само те ли ще ми пращат купища мейли със смешки
може би
може би
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
това последното много не го разбрах. Какво значи TGIF ениуей ?
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
...she thought a quarterback was a refund
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
...she studied for a blood test
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train"
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home
...when she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home she moved
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless
...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening
...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front"
стой та гледай
?
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
...she thought a quarterback was a refund
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
...she studied for a blood test
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train"
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home
...when she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home she moved
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless
...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening
...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front"
стой та гледай
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
I Wish We Were Closer
I was attending an outdoor music concert with a young woman I'd recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."
Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our friendship?"
Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage."
The Difference Between...
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
A Shaky Subject
Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her. "To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."
"I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace the batteries?"
Mothers and Fathers
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
партия за даване на умерени права на мъжете и подпомагането им в борбата за равноправние
I was attending an outdoor music concert with a young woman I'd recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."
Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our friendship?"
Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage."
The Difference Between...
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
A Shaky Subject
Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her. "To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."
"I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace the batteries?"
Mothers and Fathers
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
партия за даване на умерени права на мъжете и подпомагането им в борбата за равноправние
Re: сори, на инглиш е - ама - хихихиии
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need... A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
партия за даване на умерени права на мъжете и подпомагането им в борбата за равноправние
A. Shoot him again.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need... A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
партия за даване на умерени права на мъжете и подпомагането им в борбата за равноправние