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PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ENERGY VAMPIRES
by Judith Orloff, MD
(Adapted from Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for
Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength, and
Love)
Our relationships are governed by a give and take of energy. Some people
make us more electric or at ease. Yet others suck the life right out of
us. As a physician and energy specialist I want to verify that energy
vampires roam the world sapping our exuberance. With patients and in my
workshops I've seen their fang marks and the carnage they've strewn. But
most of us don't know how to identify and cope with vampires, so we mope
around as unwitting casualties, enduring a preventable fatigue.
Here are some types of energy vampires to watch for at work and ways to
deal with them.
Vampire #1: The Sob Sister
Every time you talk to her she's whining. She adores a captive audience.
She's the person with the "poor me" attitude who's more interested in
complaining than solutions.
How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries. Limit the time you spend
talking about her complaints. With a firm but kind attitude say, "I'm
sorry I can only talk for a few minutes today." And go on with your work
and life.
Vampire #2: The Drama Queen
This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into
off-the-chart dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a
new employee who was always late for work. One week he had the flu and
"almost died." Next, his car was towed, again!. After this employee left
her office Sarah felt tired and used.
How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen doesn't get mileage out of
equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not
get caught up in the histrionics. At work, set kind but firm limits.
Say, "You must be here on time to keep your job. I'm sorry for all your
mishaps, but work comes first."
Vampire #3:The Constant Talker or Joke Teller
He has no interest in your feelings; he's only concerned with himself.
Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn't
stop, you begin to get tired. You wait for an opening to get a word in
edgewise but it never comes.
Or he might physically move in so close he's practically breathing on
you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer
again. "One patient said about such a coworker, 'Whenever I spot this
man my colon goes into spasm."
How to Protect Yourself: Know that these people don't respond to
nonverbal cues. You must speak up and interrupt. Listen for a few
minutes- then from a neutral place politely say, "I'm a quiet person, so
please excuse me for not talking a long time—a much more constructive
tack than "Keep quiet, you're driving me crazy!"
Vampire #4. The Fixer Upper
This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems—at all
hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she'll make a b-line
to your desk, monopolizing your free time. Her neediness lures you in.
How to Protect Your Energy: Do not become the "rescuer." Show empathy
but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell her, "I'm
confident you'll find the right solution" or sensitively suggest that
she seek a qualified professional for help.
Vampire #5: The Blamer
This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for
not getting things just right. Whenever my patient Marie, a book editor,
sees her boss she's on guard; her boss had a way of cutting her down
that saps her energy. She always has a negative comment to make.
How to Protect Yourself: Try this visualization. Around this person
imagine yourself surrounded by a cocoon of white light. Think of it as a
protective covering that keeps you from being harmed. Tell yourself that
you are safe and secure here. The cocoon filters out the negativity so
it can't deplete you.
Vampire #6: Go For The Jugular Fiend
This type is vindictive and cuts you down with no consideration for your
feelings. He says things like, "Forget that job. It's out of your
league." These jabs can be so hurtful it's hard to get them out of your
head.
How To Protect Yourself: Eliminate them from your life whenever
possible. For a boss who isn't going anywhere try a visualization that
put you at a distance from them, and refuse to ingest the poison. If you
don't want to switch jobs, realize he's a wounded person; try not to
take his meanness personally.
Dharma
Този ум е Буда
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Mnogo se radvam che sred vas nqma takiva vampiri:)
