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IF AT LEAST ONE STATEMENT APPLIES TO YOU, YOU ARE PROBABLY FROM BULGARIA:
Duct tape and wire are your father's only repair tools next to using a
kitchen knife as a screwdriver and the meat hammer when
nothing else helps.
There is at least one relative that your family
refuses to talk to.
After funeral of a relative, almost everyone seems to enjoy the
unique occasion of seeing each other.
Your mom tells you not to sit on stone or your ass
will freeze.
Your parents insist that blankets with vinegar on your
body is the way to cure your 40 degrees Celsius fever.
Your baba (grandma) will not accept the fact that
you're not hungry.
Your parents don't allow 2 windows to be open at the
same time even in the greatest heat, because the
airflow would make your back stiff.
Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American
and outperform any American woman in particular.
At your wedding you know only about a third of the
guests.
Before your wedding you drink 1/2 bottle vodka to stay cool and increase the
probability of saying 'yes'.
There is a 80 L barrel of wine and cabbage in
your garage, basement or on your balcony.
In April, when your neighbour throws out his old cabbage and christmas
tree straight from the balcony, you frankly admit he is rather pragmatic.
All neighbours in your building except your family are incredible
idiots and remarkable jerks and you often talk about this, pointing out that
you treat them accordingly.
You ask neighbours for salt, sugar etc. and follow them to their
kitchen.
You make jokes based on your own tragedy and call yourself stupid in
public.
You can hear your parents talking and you are
across the street.
You confuse politeness with friendship or 'maznene' (bulg. specific,
untranslatable)
Everyone is sure you're greek or italian.
Everyone is convinced that as a white skinned and blue eyed bulgarian, you represent Bulgaria's minorities.
Everyone educated concludes bulgarians are actually turks who speak and write in
russian.
Freshly hired in a company, you immediately start planning how
to occupy your chief's chair.
You try to outsmart everyone at the office because everyone is
apparently incompetent.
You permanently suspect that others think you are stupid and play tricks
on you.
You think the only reliable car worth your investments is a BMW or Mercedes,
km's and age don't matter.
You demonstrate personal belongings, e.g. put your 3G GSM next to your
fork.
You do salary surveys at your job to check if you are paid appropriately.
When you withdraw cash, you first make sure the machine isn't empty or
hacked by first withdrawing 5$
Due to your built-in technical skills, you have at least one feasible idea
how to hack a cash machine.
You can spend 3 hrs in a Cafe drinking the same cup of
coffee.
You are never certain whether stay abroad or return to Bulgaria,
but certainly wish to work abroad and live in Bulgaria.
People still think that you are from Bolivia no
matter how many times you say you're from Bulgaria.
Your parents' friends have no shame in telling you you've gained weight,
look much too skinny or aging.
Monday morning you arrive at the office unshaved after a heavy drink
with other bulgarians and believe you resemble unshaved George Michael.
You wear underwear or blouse/shirt for more than 1 day because noone would
notice anyway.
Spend everything you earn without keeping evidence for expenses and incomes.
You do not plan the future since future is highly uncertain.
If you are asked 'how are you?', you start describing how you actually are and usually complain about something.
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IF AT LEAST ONE STATEMENT APPLIES TO YOU, YOU ARE PROBABLY FROM BELGIUM:
You don't mind driving your bicycle in a heavy rain and get totally wet.
You are used to have your bicycle stolen and if this happens,
you steal the first bicycle remembering yours.
You can not replace the accu or a lamp in your car without seeing a car specialist.
You drive your Smart with over 160 km/h believing ABS and Airbag mean safety.
You communicate with your neighbours and relatives mainly with letters,
beginning with Dear Mr. and ending with Kind regards.
At the office, you tell all the same stories over and over,
usually related to the weather, taxes or how you spent the weekend
(but without details, otherwise it is regarded as personal harassment)
You make significant effort and research on how to pay less taxes.
You think financial matters are well suited to women so your wife controls your home budget.
If you are happy with life's basics, don't need extras and don't mind parasitism,
you don't have to work at all.
When it's snowing, you are incredibly happy and want to play
with the snow like kids do.
When the sun shines, you like to go to outdoor cafe and
point your head straight to the sun.
You believe people living on the east have no television, but you are certain they
do have an internet connection because you already chated with several girls and
even got marriage proposals.
You haven't seen your friends for months, but you chat
with somebody unknown from US every evening.
You are often asked by eastern people whether English is an official language in Belgium.
You believe people at the east all speak similar local languages and mutually
understand each other.
You end your working day exactly at 16:57, first informing by phone your wife to turn on the oven and prevent complications of any nature.
You are convinced that your nation excels any other nation and the other nations need to get more civilized.
Despite the relatively high living standard, you have a dedicated tool in
your pocket to store and sort coins of 1, 2 and 5 cent.
You find steak with cherry/apple jam a delicious combination.
In Wednesday morning you exclaim 'it's almost weekend!' and slowly start the weekend.
When something has to be done, you start planning, split the work, define a workflow, approve methodology and finally ask someone else to do the job.
In a cafe, you got used to drink from a cup with lipstick traces on it.
You sort your garbage into different bags and store them for at least a week, then
throw them on the street.
Some people still have no washing mashines at their homes and use public ones,
which are found on every bigger street.
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Bulgaria vs Belgium
