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IF AT LEAST ONE STATEMENT APPLIES TO YOU, YOU ARE PROBABLY FROM BULGARIA
(read further for BELGIUM):
Duct tape and wire are your father's only repair tools next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver and the meat hammer when nothing else helps.
There is at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.
After funeral of a relative, almost everyone seems to enjoy the unique
occasion of seeing each other.
Your mom tells you not to sit on stone or your ass will freeze.
Your parents insist that blankets with vinegar on your body is the way to cure your 40 degrees Celsius fever.
Your baba (grandma) will not accept the fact that you're not hungry.
Your parents don't allow 2 windows to be open at the same time even in the greatest heat, because the airflow would make your back stiff.
Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American and outperform any American woman in particular.
At your wedding you know only about a third of the guests.
Before your wedding you drink 1/2 bottle of vodka to stay cool and increase the probability of saying 'yes'.
There is a 80 liter barrel of wine and cabbage in your garage, basement or on your balcony.
In April, when your neighbour throws out his old cabbage and christmas tree straight from the balcony, you frankly admit he is rather pragmatic.
All neighbours in your building except your family are incredible and remarkable jerks, and you often talk about this, pointing out that you treat them accordingly.
You ask neighbours for salt, sugar etc. and follow them to their kitchen.
You make jokes based on your own tragedy and call yourself stupid in public.
You can hear your parents talking and you are across the street.
You confuse politeness with friendship or 'maznene' (maznene - bulg. slang, untranslatable)
Everyone is sure you're greek or italian.
Everyone is convinced that as a white skinned and blue eyed bulgarian, you represent Bulgaria's minorities.
Everyone educated concludes bulgarians are actually turks who speak and write in russian.
Freshly hired in a company, you immediately start planning how to occupy your chief's chair.
You try to outsmart everyone at the office because everyone is apparently incompetent.
You permanently suspect that others think you are stupid and play tricks on you.
You think the only reliable car worth your investments is a BMW or Mercedes, kms and age don't matter.
You demonstrate personal belongings in public, e.g. put your 3G GSM next to your fork and shoot photos every now and then.
You believe on the west money grow on trees and just have to be collected.
You do salary surveys at your job to check if you are paid appropriately.
When you withdraw cash, you first make sure the machine isn't empty or hacked by first withdrawing 5$
Due to your built-in technical skills, you have at least one feasible idea how to hack a cash machine.
You can spend 3 hrs in a Cafe drinking the same cup of coffee, but you are able too to drink 9 litres of beer in the same timeframe.
You are never certain whether stay abroad or return to Bulgaria, but certainly wish to work abroad and live in Bulgaria.
People still think that you are from Bolivia no matter how many times you say you're from Bulgaria.
Your parents' friends have no shame in telling you you've gained weight, look much too skinny or aging.
Monday morning you arrive at the office unshaved and believe you resemble unshaved George Michael.
You wear underwear or blouse/shirt for more than 1 day because noone would notice anyway.
Yoy spend everything you earn without keeping evidence for expenses and incomes, and call your wife a 'money burner'.
You do not plan the future since future is highly uncertain.
If you are asked 'how are you?', you start describing how you actually are and usually complain about something (about you neighbours, for example).
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IF AT LEAST ONE STATEMENT APPLIES TO YOU, YOU ARE PROBABLY FROM BELGIUM:
You don't mind driving your bicycle in a heavy rain and get totally wet.
You are used to have your bicycle stolen and if this happens, you steal the first bicycle remembering yours.
You can not replace the accu or a lamp in your car without seeing a car specialist.
You drive your Smart with over 160 km/h and believe ABS, Airbag and technology mean safety.
You communicate with your neighbours and relatives mainly with letters, beginning with Dear Mr. and ending with Kind regards.
At the office, you tell all the same stories over and over, usually related to the weather, taxes or how you spent the weekend (but without details, otherwise it is regarded as personal harassment)
You make significant effort and research on how to pay less taxes.
You think financial matters are well suited to women so your wife controls your home budget.
If you are happy with life's basics, don't need extras and don't mind parasitism, you don't have to work at all.
When it's snowing, you are incredibly happy and want to play with the snow like kids do.
When the sun shines, you like to go to outdoor cafe and point your head straight to the sun.
Your wife is addicted to solarium centers and usually burns her face like a steak.
You believe eastern people have no television, but you are certain they do have an internet connection because you already chated with several females and even got marriage proposals.
You haven't seen your friends for months, but you chat every evening with somebody unknown from US.
You are often asked by eastern people whether English is an official language in Belgium and see their eyebrows rised..
You believe people from the east all speak similar local languages and mutually understand each other.
You end your working day exactly at 16:57, first informing by phone your wife to turn on the oven and prevent complications of any nature.
You are convinced that your nation excels any other nation and the other nations need to get more civilized and educated.
Despite the relatively high living standard, you have a dedicated tool in your pocket to store and sort coins of 1, 2 and 5 cent, which you spent first, but you often point out that 10% of your salary is not an amount worth any discussion.
You find steak with cherry jam a delicious combination.
In Wednesday morning you exclaim 'it's almost weekend!' and slowly start the weekend.
When something has to be done, you start planning, split the work, define a workflow, approve methodology and finally ask someone else to do the job.
In a lively cafe, you got used to drink from a cup with lipstick traces on it.
You sort your garbage into different bags and store them for a week, then throw them on the street, next to literally houndreds of other bags.
If you haven't matched the right bag with the right garbage, your garbage returns back to you for another week, but this has never yet happened to you.
Some people still have no washing mashines at their homes and use public ones, which are found on every bigger street.
One year use of public washing machines costs you more than buying two new washing machines, but it improves the state of your immune system, allowing you to spare money from medication and finally buy a washing machine ;-)
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Bulgaria vs Belgium ;-)
Bulgaria vs Belgium ;-)
