Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

Breakfast
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast - dry
8 oz skim milk

Lunch
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Afternoon Snack
Rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce nuts, cherries, whipped cream

Dinner

2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers candy bars

Late Evening News
Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer

Rules For This Diet
If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Example: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.
Cookie pieces contain no calories, because of the process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
If you are in the process of preparing something, foods licked off knives and spoons have no calories.
Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: green salad and Key Lime pie, mushrooms and white chocolate.
If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.

Special Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

Remember: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.


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RULES FOR EATING CHOCOLATE

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
Don't they actually counteract each other?
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?


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CALORIE BURNING ACTIVITIES

Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . 100

Swallowing your pride. . . . .... .. .50

Passing the buck . . . . . . . ... . .150

Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . ... 250

Wading through paperwork .. . .. 300

Jumping on the bandwagon .. . .. 200

Balancing the books. . . . . . .. .....25

Running around in circles. .. . . .. 350

Climbing the ladder of success . 750

Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . ...160

Wrapping it up at the day's end. . .12

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms . . . ... .. .50

Putting your foot in your mouth. . 300

Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . .......90

Going over the edge. . . . . . . . ... ...25

Picking up the pieces after. . . ......350

Counting eggs before they hatch.. . . 6

Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . ......... 2

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