Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line
so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you
which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
no
one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number,
date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or
before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy
to talk to you.

Towa mi haresa ama maj ne e samo na Mental Hospital. Ponjakoga naistina popadam na takiwa i mi ide da im pusna tok po jicata.

there's someone in my head but it's not me
PINK FLOYD

Ако не избереш нито едно от предложените, шанса да говориш с жив човек е по-голям

There's an important omission.
Every call should start with "Thank you for calling....Your call is really important to us. Please, remain on the line or choose one of the following options"
Drugoto si go znaesh

Thank you for writing. Your postings are really important to us.
Please, remain online..

How about the suicidal?

You've dialed a wrong number.
Call 911.

kakvo da natisna za short-memory loss?

Kakvo da natisnesh za kakvo?

Za kakvo govorehme vsashnost?