I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from Human Resources:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!

Яденето е най - добрата храна!

хахахах весело, но има и по-подходящ клуб за вдигането на заплатата

не чакай чаровно вампирско зло, то ще дойде само...

Consumer Labels
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods that can be found today being sold in stores nationwide:

1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."

(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair)



2. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)



3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)



4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)



5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(Hmm . . . .)



6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)



7. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this

medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents

if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those

forklifts.)



8. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)



9. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to underwater?)



10. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)



11. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."

(NEWS FLASH)



12. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)



13. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? . . . Good grief!)



14. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK, honey, just grab the Palmolive!

Яденето е най - добрата храна!

Мамка ти, разлях си кафето заради тебе
ама е кеф да започнеш деня с такъв готин смях

I REFUSE TO BE A MEMBER OF A CLUB THAT ACCEPTS PEOPLE LIKE ME(ex-marxist ;-))